


Silver and Gold

by Mlendera



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Male Character, Developing Friendships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Male Character, M/M, Non-phantom thief Ryuji, Ryuji is best dad, Slow Burn, let ryuji say fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-06-25 19:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15647121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mlendera/pseuds/Mlendera
Summary: Ryuji mulled it over. On the one hand, he had been friends with Shiho and Ann for over a decade now and trusted them both with his life (even if he did have difficulty talking to them about this particular incident). On the other hand, agreeing to let a stranger babysit his kids on such short notice was pretty sketchy. But Shiho was right about his ma and her schedule. And he couldn’t bring the kids to school with him. And he really couldn’t afford to pay an actual babysitter. So, he relented.In which Ryuji is a struggling single dad, and Ren is the wonderful nanny who saves him from himself.





	1. Chapter 1

_I’m sorry it ended this way, but this was never the life I wanted. You were never what I wanted._

The words echoed in Ryuji’s mind like a song stuck on repeat. _You were never what I wanted_ , that’s a pretty fucked up thing to say to your husband of 5 years – to anyone really, but especially your own god damned husband. Well, ex-husband. 

“You’re doing it again.” 

“Doin’ what?” 

“Brooding.” Ann sighed, but there was no real exasperation in her voice. Only concern and maybe a little bit of pity. “This is supposed to be a celebration, ya know? The beginning of the next chapter of your life’s story!” 

“Yeah?” he snorted, “What’s the book called? ‘Ryuji Sakamoto: Divorcee’ or maybe ’30 Days to Single Parenthood and You Can Too’?” He was being a dick, and he knew it. Ann had cancelled an important-as-hell international photo shoot, caught a stupidly-expensive-as-hell last minute flight back to Tokyo, and reserved a private room at this shady-as-hell bar just so she could be there for his sorry ass once everything was stamped and signed. She was seriously the best friend he ever had – could ever hope to have, and here he was fucking it all up. 

_Just like you fucked up your marriage._

“Well, I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Ryuji Takes Back Tokyo!’ but maybe that’s a bit extreme. I’m sure there’s a compromise between our ideas somewhere.” Ann laughed, and it was just as light and carefree as back in high school. Even though she had long ago swapped her once-trademark pigtails for a “more mature, and like, you know, sophisticated” bob, Ryuji could still see the same bubbly Ann peeking through the surface. He honestly hadn’t realized how much he had missed her until she was right back in front of him, and he owed it to them both to accept her huge gesture of friendship. 

“Sorry,” he started, slowly spinning his now lukewarm beer between the palms of his hands. “I know you went through a shit ton of trouble to be here, and I know I’m not the best company right now. I’ll do better.” 

Ann smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “You don’t need to apologize, Ryuji. I want to be here for you. Really, I’m the one who should be sorry. If I had known what was going on, I’d have been here way sooner for you.” 

“It’s okay. I didn’t want you to know. I was –” Ashamed, depressed, horrified, disgraced? Half way convinced this was all a nightmare and only accepted that it was, in fact, reality about six hours ago when he left the courthouse? 

Ann hummed in response, as if she could read his thoughts. Hell, she probably could, considering how long they’d known each other. “I’m going to go get us some more drinks. You’ve been playing with that one for, like, an hour now, and I know it tastes like ass now.” she scooped the bottle out of his hands, as well as the few empties they had accumulated, and headed out the door. 

“Hey!” 

“Yeah?” 

“How do you know what ass tastes like?” Ryuji cracked up at his own stupid joke, and Ann rolled her eyes in mock-fury. 

“Don’t ever change, Ryuji,” she responded with a smirk and ducked out of the room before he could say something even dumber. 

* * *

Ann was only gone a few minutes, but the bleak emptiness of the private room left Ryuji anxious. Even though he had never been the type of guy to have a ton of friends, he did always have at least a small group of close confidants. Whether it was the track team in high school or college, casual classroom buds, or other regulars at the arcade near his house growing up, he could always count on someone responding to his last-minute ramen invitation. It wasn’t until his marriage imploded and his entire life came crashing down around him that he realized he had let his social network all but disappear. 

It was like one day he woke up, not as Ryuji Sakamoto, but as just _her_ husband. His friends were _her_ friends. His hobbies were _her_ hobbies. Hell, he even changed his running routine to better accommodate _her_ schedule because apparently he was too noisy in the morning and it took _her_ too long to fall back asleep and why couldn’t he just think about _her_ feelings for once and – 

_Fuck,_ he was bitter. 

But, he tried to calm himself, that was in the past. Like Ann said, this was a new chapter, and he was sure as hell going to write it the way he wanted to. And despite what the more depressed side of his brain insisted, he wasn’t alone. He had the kids, his mom, Ann (who he could totally call even when she’s out of the country, as she had chided him not too long ago), and – 

“Look who I found!” Ann sang as she burst back through the door, another familiar figure trailing just behind her. 

Speak of the devil. 

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” Shiho rushed to Ryuji’s side and pulled him into a firm hug. “One of my patients had a huge breakthrough, and I felt awful not leaving the hospital sooner, but I couldn’t not stay. Anyway, that’s not what’s important right now. How are you doing?” 

“I’m okay,” Ryuji responded and broke their hug. “Well that’s not really true, but I do feel a lot better with you guys here.” 

“I’m glad,” Shiho smiled softly and patted his hand. “You know, you could have reached out sooner…”

“Yeah, I know I could have. But, I just…I couldn’t. If that makes sense?” he fumbled through the words and stared at the table in order to avoid eye contact with either friend and being goaded into spilling any more of his depressed self’s darker thoughts. 

“It makes sense,” Shiho reassured him. “But I hope you’ll feel more able to reach out to us from now on.” 

“I will, I promise.” 

* * *

It didn’t take long for the three friends to fall back into the swing of things, and even though it was Ryuji’s shitty life that brought them all back together, he really couldn’t have been any happier. 

“And then I said to him, ‘No, I won’t be your date to your totally rando indie movie premiere. I, like, don’t even know you!’ And then he was, like, _offended_ that I would dare to turn him down and tried to get me kicked out of the photo shoot! It was the craziest thing ever!” Ann slurred through her story, flushed with excitement or booze (or both. Yeah, probably both.) and crept dangerously closer to spilling her drink all over Shiho’s lap with each emphatic ‘like’ and ‘totally.’ 

“Did you get kicked out?” 

“Hell no! I landed the cover!” Ann laughed, and the other two couldn’t help but be pulled in as well. 

“I’d expect nothing less,” Shiho said and clumsily set her empty glass on the table. Ryuji had lost track of how many they had all had at this point, but he knew it was definitely a lot. He felt a pleasant warmth course through his body, and his shoulders were looser than they had been in ages. It was a nice feeling, and one which he couldn’t attribute entirely to the alcohol. The smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth every time he looked over to Ann and Shiho was testament to that. 

He didn’t notice their giggling die out until Shiho cleared her throat and began tapping on her glass. “I hate to bring down the mood, but we are here for a reason.” She paused, frowning. “How are you really, Ryuji? Please, be honest.” “I-“ Ryuji started, the anxiety suddenly bubbling back up to the surface as both women stared at him hard. The earlier kindness, not gone, but overshadowed by seriousness. He knew he couldn’t just keep insisting he was okay anymore. Shit, he was not ready for this. 

_I’m sorry it ended this way, but this was never the life I wanted. You were never what I wanted._

“I’m coping,” he finally admitted, taking a deep breath before continuing. “It’s kinda…surreal, ya know? And it all just happened so fast. Like two months ago I thought everything was just fucking hunky-dory, and then one day I come home to find my wife – my wife of five fucking years – in bed with some dude that I don’t even know where she met and –“ 

_I’m sorry it ended this way, but this was never the life I wanted. You were never what I wanted._

“Oh my god, Ryuji,” Ann’s voice was feather soft. “I had no idea.” 

“Yeah, I…I haven’t really told anyone.” Ryuji tried to laugh, but all he could manage was a muffled sob. “Not even my ma. But I think she guessed. Moms, ya know?” 

Ann nodded numbly, chewing at her lower lip. It was nice finally getting it all out there, but the awkward silence definitely wasn’t. 

“A-anyway, here I am now. Single and ready to mingle, right?” He couldn’t try to laugh, could only open and close his fists as he prattled on, praying someone would stop him. “And in the end, I kinda got lucky, I guess. She didn’t try to fight me on anything, didn’t want money, or the house, even the twins.” 

“And how are they doing?” Shiho asked through clenched teeth, hands now grasping her glass so firmly that Ryuji was sure it would break at any second. 

“Uh, they’re coping, too, I guess? I mean it’s hard. They don’t really get what’s happening, and they’ve been asking where their mom is since she moved out. But ma’s been awesome. She switched her shifts around so she can watch them while I’m at work. Didn’t even have to ask, she just did it.” 

“Is that sustainable?” 

“I don’t really know. I’m kinda takin’ this all one day at a time right now,” Ryuji admitted. Of course, he wished he had a more long-term solution, wished he had insisted on enrolling them in nursery school instead of letting his ex play at being a stay-at-home mom, wished a lot of things really. “I only just started teaching at Shujin, and the term isn’t even half way up yet, so I really hope so. Can’t afford a private sitter and can’t exactly ask for leave when I’ve been there less than a month, right? But I’ll be able to stay home for summer break at least. And I’ve been talking to a nursery school that might be willing to let them start up late if ‘the fit is right,’ whatever that means.” 

That was a pretty good answer, right? He was doing the responsible parent thing, looking ahead at their futures and shit. Yeah. Maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a husband, but he was sure as hell going to be the best father ever. 

That silence was back, Ann now playing with her fair in addition to mauling her lip, and Shiho now almost definitely about to break her glass. Ryuji was contemplating just running away from the bar altogether until Shiho surprised him by bolting upright with a loud “Oh!” 

“Oh?” he asked. 

“Yes! Oh!” she chirped in response. “I think I know a way to help!” She turned towards Ann and continued. “Isn’t Ren coming back to Tokyo next week?” 

“Yeah, what about him?” 

“And he was just going to stay on your couch until he found a permanent living situation?” 

“Yeah?” 

“And isn’t he notoriously wonderful with children?” 

“Yeah, and? Oh!” Ann lit up and grabbed Shiho’s shoulders with enthusiasm. “Oh my god, Shiho, you beautiful genius. That would seriously be perfect!” 

“Wouldn’t it though!” Shiho laughed, clearly excited that Ann had finally caught on. 

“I’m going to text him right now! Or should I call him? No, it’s like 1AM, that would be stupid. Then again he might still be up…No I’ll just text.” 

“Uh,” Ryuji coughed and tapped on Shiho’s shoulder. “You guys gonna fill me in on this genius plan any time soon or should I just sit here and guess?” 

“Sorry!” she responded, still giggling. “A friend of ours is moving back to the city and doesn’t have an apartment yet. He could be the perfect live-in nanny for you and the twins!” 

“And he’s such a sweet guy that he probably wouldn’t even ask for money. Just room and board,” Ann added, having finally completed her text. “Wait, you do have a guest room, right?” 

“Y-yeah I have a guest room, but I don’t want some dude I’ve never met living in it and taking care of my kids!” 

“Oh relax, he’s not just ‘some dude.’ He’s me and Shiho’s best guy friend, and he’s totally trustworthy.” 

“…I thought I was your best guy friend.” 

“No, you’re our best _blonde_ guy friend. It’s different.” 

“Yes, very different.” Shiho nodded in agreement. “And you might know him actually. He went to Shujin when we were second years. Ren Amamiya.” 

Ryuji rolled the name around in his head. It did sound vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t put a face to it. Amamaiya…Amamiya….Ama - wait

Hold on. 

“You mean that delinquent transfer student?!” 

“Hey now, those were false charges,” Ann admonished. 

“And the rumors people were spreading while I was still there were grossly exaggerated,” Shiho added. “I can’t even imagine what people came up with later in the year.” 

“Doesn’t change the fact that he has a record. And that I don’t even know him!” It was true. Even though Ryuji had certainly been just as curious about the delinquent as the rest of the school, he had made a point not to talk to him. He had spent most of that year on thin ice after a shouting match with Kamoshida almost turned violent, and he had owed it to his ma to keep his temper reigned in and to avoid being labeled a delinquent himself. Which ended up being pretty lucky for him, considering all the abuse that came to light that year. If Ryuji had given in, he probably would have wound up with a broken leg. 

“I promise you, we wouldn’t recommend Ren unless we trusted him completely.” Shiho’s voice brought him back to the present. “As wonderful as your mother is, I worry that she won’t be able to keep babysitting in the long-term. And unfortunately, neither Ann nor I can be of much help.” 

“And obviously you would meet him first! We aren’t going to just drop him off at your house when you aren’t home, like, surprise!” 

Ryuji mulled it over. On the one hand, he had been friends with Shiho and Ann for over a decade now and trusted them both with his life (even if he did have difficulty talking to them about this particular _incident_ ). On the other hand, agreeing to let a stranger babysit his kids on such short notice was pretty fucking sketchy. 

But Shiho was right about his ma and her schedule. 

And he couldn’t bring the kids to school with him. 

And he really couldn’t afford to pay an actual babysitter. 

So, he relented. 

“Fine, I’ll meet the guy,” Ryuji decided and smiled despite himself as his friends cheered. “But he better be just as perfect as you say he is, or else I’m never sending you guys cute photos of my kids again.” 

“You wouldn’t!” Ann gasped. 

“What a cold-hearted thing to say,” Shiho choked out. 

And then they were all laughing again, as if Ryuji didn’t just spill every secret and worry that had been sitting in his gut these past few weeks. It felt fucking great. Ann announced it was time for one last round – on Ryuji, naturally, and soon after the three stumbled out of the bar. It was an easy walk home for Ryuji, but he waited until Ann and Shiho grabbed a cab before beginning his trek. 

* * *

The house was empty, but it didn’t give him the same lonely feeling the bar did. In fact, Ryuji felt content, happy even. Feelings he was so sure he’d never truly experience again. He shuffled out of his clothes and fell into bed. Noisily, because he could be as noisy as he wanted now. It was a nice thought to fall asleep to, and so he did. 

He woke up the next morning to a hangover that was only about 75% as bad as he thought it would be. So that was a good sign. He forced himself to sit up and check the time on his phone. It was only 8:27AM, plenty of time to get into best-dad-ever mode before picking the kids up from his mom’s. Another good sign. 

Then he noticed the notification near the bottom of his screen. New text message from Unknown Sender. 

**+81 XXX-XXX-XXXX:** Hi, this is Ren Amamiya, and I got a bunch of messages last night saying you need a nanny? 

Oh yeah. That happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Ryuji in his natural habitat of doing his best and loving his mom <3

**+81 XXX-XXX-XXXX:** Hi, this is Ren Amamiya, and I got a bunch of messages last night saying you need a nanny?

Ryuji re-read the message on his screen for the hundredth time before sighing and stuffing his phone back into his pocket, only to retrieve the device seconds later and repeat the process. The train car was unusually empty for 11 o’clock on a Sunday, affording him too much personal space that he couldn’t help but take advantage of. So he sat, and he fidgeted, and he read and re-read the same text, all while tapping his foot to a quick beat that matched the many thoughts racing through his head. 

It was a simple message, one that only needed an equally simple response. Did he need a nanny – yes or no? Well, yes, because Shiho was definitely right when she said his mom couldn’t watch the kids forever. He needed the help, it was obvious. And if the guy would work for free, all the better. Right?

But also, no, because he’d have to be out of his mind to leave his kids alone with a total stranger six days a week. Except it wouldn’t be a total stranger, would it? If Ann and Shiho really trusted this dude as much as they said they did, he’d have to be a pretty great guy. Right?

_Ugh._

The train finally reached his stop, temporarily pausing the snake of doubts coiling through his brain, and he all but ran the short distance to his mom’s apartment in an attempt to keep it quelled. He hurled himself up the stairs two at a time, desperate to no longer be alone with his thoughts.

Ryuji knocked on the door, perhaps a bit too harshly, and couldn’t help but smile when he heard the girlish “I’ll get it!” from within.

“Daddy!” the same voice delighted after the door opened, its owner launching into Ryuji’s outstretched arms.

“Morning, Himari,” he greeted, kissing her cheek before latching the door and kicking off his shoes in one fell swoop. “Where’s grandma and Yuto?”

“Kitchen. Carry me in there, okay?” She linked her arms around his neck and returned the kiss, inadvertently slapping him in the face with one of her petite, black pigtails in the process. Not that he really minded.

“You got it,” Ryuji chuckled and dutifully carried his daughter the whole three steps it took to reach his mother’s kitchen. “Morning, ma. Morning, Yuto. What’re you guys up to?” He set Himari on the floor in order to bend down and kiss his son’s cheek as well, ruffling the short strands of hair that managed to look like bedhead no matter the hour. It was a small gesture, greeting his kids this way, but after years of neglect and abuse from his own father it was one he vowed to never skip.

“Oh, good morning, dear! Yuto and I were just finishing up making some little snacks,” Ryuji’s mom welcomed him with the same soft voice he’d known all his life. It never failed to make him feel better, talking to his mom, and even the pain and anxiety of the past couple months seemed to ache a little duller whenever he was with her.

“I made apple bunnies!” Yuto announced triumphantly, holding up a slice for Ryuji to inspect. It was possibly the worst attempt at an apple rabbit he had ever seen, with grossly mismatched ears and having seemingly lost half of its flesh during creation. It was incredible, and he loved it.

“You made this all by yourself, little dude? You’re amazing! Ya know, grandma didn’t even let me anywhere near knives when I was your age,” Ryuji beamed and happily ate the slice when Yuto gave the okay. “Wow, it’s delicious, thank you! How about you go share the rest of these with Himari in the living room before we head back home.”

* * *

“How was your night?” his mom asked once the twins were settled in the other room, working to clean the small mess they had left in the kitchen.

“It was…it was nice,” he responded and grabbed a clean rag to help dry dishes. They finished their work quietly, Ryuji unsure how to proceed with the conversation and his mom patient enough to wait until he figured it out. God, he loved her. “Definitely somethin’ I needed,” he finally added.

“I know you did, sweetheart,” she was quick to answer, smiling gently. “How are Ann and Shiho doing? It’s been so long since I’ve seen either of them.”

“They’re both doin’ real good. Ann just finished a bunch of overseas shoots, and now it’s lookin’ like she’s gonna do local stuff for a while before going back. And Shiho’s kickin’ ass as—”

“Language, Ryuji!”

“Right. Sorry.” He dodged the apple peel aimed at his face. “Shiho’s kickin’ _butt_ as a physical therapist. Says she’s workin’ with this one kid right now that doctors thought would never walk again, but she got him standing out of his wheelchair and almost halfway across the room before they had to call it a day. Pretty inspiring stuff.”

“Oh my, that is wonderful. I bet his parents were thrilled when they saw…” she trailed off, likely lost in some mom-fantasy of what she would do if Ryuji had lost use of his legs as a child. Not that he could blame her, he had absolutely entertained similar ‘what-ifs’ about his own children since discovering he was becoming a parent himself.

_What if they’re allergic to everything? What if they get carried away by giant birds when I’m not looking? What if they’re each born with only one eye and in order to compensate they have to always do everything together like creepy video game characters?_

_What if their mom decides to abandon them months before their fifth birthday without even a proper goodbye?_

“Yeah…Anyway, they had this kind of crazy idea that I wanted to run by you.” Ryuji leaned against the fridge, arms folded and left foot resuming its same anxious tapping from the train ride over.

“Oh? What is it?” his mom asked, studying his posture shift with soft but curious eyes.

“They – uh, well they have this friend, right?” Ryuji saw the way her eye twitched when he said the word ‘friend’ and faltered. She hadn’t even heard the proposition yet and she already hated it. Was she reading his mind? Was he supposed to be able to read his kids’ minds? Did he miss the day of parenting class where they teach you how to – 

_Focus_ , he berated himself. _You already started talkin’ about it, you can’t just stop now._

Ryuji let out a little cough and resumed. “A-anyway, they have this friend who I guess has been out of town for a while and is between jobs or whatever. And he doesn’t have an apartment yet, and they say he’s good with kids, so they were thinkin’ he could, like, nanny Yuto and Himari while I’m teaching so that you can relax and start workin’ the good shifts again. Or. Or whatever.”

He opened his eyes, unsure when exactly he closed them, and waited for his mom to begin listing all the reasons why he was an unfit father for even suggesting such an idea. But, shockingly, she didn’t. In fact, she actually sighed in what he could swear was relief.

“Oh, Ryuji, don’t you dare scare me like that again.” She chuckled a little and grabbed his shoulders, coaxing him away from the fridge to stand directly in front of her. “When you said Ann and Shiho had a friend, I thought you were going to tell me they set you up on a date.”

“What? Hell no!”

“Language.”

“Ugh, sorry.” Ryuji rolled his eyes. “It’s just, I signed the last papers yesterday, ya know. They know I ain’t ready for that.” _And won’t be for a long time. Or ever_ , he neglected to add.

“And that’s why I was concerned,” she tutted. “But as for the nannying idea. It is certainly…unorthodox.”

“I knew you’d think it’s dumb. I’m gonna tell Ann to text that guy back and shut it all down.”

“I didn’t say that,” she corrected him, gently brushing his phone away when he began messaging Ann. “Yes, it’s a strange situation, I won’t lie. But most parents end up with caretakers they don’t know personally. They’re just usually through agencies, not friends. Still, I think you should at least meet this young man since Shiho and Ann have gone through the trouble of contacting him for you.”

“Y-you really think so?” Ryuji asked, amazed at his mother’s response.

“Mmhmm,” she affirmed and cupped his cheek gently in her hand. “You’ve worked so hard to be a good father, and you’re doing such a great job. But I know you’re tired, and I know you’re scared. If life is going to throw you this lifeline, then you’d be wise to grab onto it. Of course, I expect to meet him before you make any final decisions.”

Ryuji grasped his mom’s hand in his own and gave it a small squeeze, pushing his face further into her palm. “Thanks ma. I think…I think that’s what I needed to hear.”

“I wish I was the sort of mother who could retire and move in with the three of you so that you’d never have to worry about this kind of thing again.”

“I know. You’ve already done so much for us, ma. For me. I can’t ask you for anything else. I love you.” 

“I love you, too, Ryuji.” They stood there for a long while, each letting the other cry without judgement.

“Now,” his mom started again. “Get out of my house. It’s almost noon, and I need time to collect myself before work.”

* * *

Ryuji sat the kids at the coffee table with their coloring books and settled himself on the couch behind them. He unlocked his phone and opened that message again, this time with purpose.

**+81 XXX-XXX-XXXX:** Hi, this is Ren Amamiya, and I got a bunch of messages last night saying you need a nanny?

**Ryuji:** Hey, yeah, I do. Hopefully Ann wasn’t too annoying about it haha. I was thinking we could meet sometime this week and talk about it. If that works for you.  
**Ryuji:** Oh, my name’s Ryuji Sakamoto by the way. In case she didn’t tell you.

Ryuji released an audible groan after hitting ‘send’ on the second message, both relieved to have done it and anxious for an answer. He wondered how long he’d have to wait for Amamiya to get back to him, given it had taken him nearly six hours to respond to the initial message.

To his surprise, the familiar ‘…’ of an incoming text popped up almost right away. His stomach turned, anxiety winning over relief now that it was becoming a real conversation with the stranger he might end up entrusting his kids’ lives to.

_It’s cool_ , he told himself, eyes glued to the screen, brain willing Amamiya to just finish his goddamn text already. _Be cool._

“Uh oh,” Himari’s tiny voice broke his trance. “I spilled my juice.” 

She was right, Ryuji saw. She had indeed spilled her juice. He hopped off the couch and grabbed a rag from the kitchen, thankfully returning in time to keep the spill away from the carpet but unable to save her dress. And somehow it ended up all over Yuto’s shirt, too, because why not?

“Sorry,” she apologized, holding up her now very wet coloring book and looking about 2 seconds away from crying.

“It’s all right, accidents happen,” Ryuji reassured her and patted both kids’ heads for good measure. “Let’s put these outside to dry and get you guys cleaned up, okay?” 

His phone had buzzed sometime during the commotion, and he knew that Amamiya had finally replied. But for now, it would have to wait. Daddy duty called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments on the first chapter! I appreciate them so, so much. 
> 
> Next time: Ryuji and Ren meet! How very exciting for us all :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part we've all been waiting for! I considered cutting this into two chapters, but then I was like nahhhh

Ryuji reached the meeting place a little earlier than expected. It was a small diner near Shibuya Station that he had often frequented with Ann and Shiho as a teen, and even though it had been years since he last visited the restaurant his legs still remembered the path and carried him there quickly. He took his time climbing the dusty stairs to the entrance, not looking forward to the prospect of waiting alone until the others arrived.

He opened the door and was instantly greeted by an all-too familiar giggle floating through the lazy diner air. _Shoulda known. Even when I’m early, I’m the last one here_ , he thought wryly, searching for the blonde-haired giggler. It didn’t take long – she and Shiho were situated comfortably on a pair of couches near the entrance door. Their friend, however, didn’t seem to be with them yet. Hey, maybe he wasn’t actually last.

“Yo,” Ryuji greeted. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to sit with them or if they’d be moving to a booth once everyone arrived, so he opted to stand, hands ungracefully shoved in his pockets and foot already beginning to tap with nerves.

“Ryuji!” Ann cheered and shot herself out of her seat. She embraced him and did that annoying European air kiss thing that she knew Ryuji hated so much. “It’s been too long!”

“Dude, it’s been a week.”

“Too. Long,” she punctuated and flicked his nose before sitting back down. Man, she was in a mood today.

“Your timing is perfect. We just got here a few minutes ago,” Shiho told him, patting the seat next to her. “Ren had to use the restroom, but he’ll be out shortly.”

Ah, so he was last after all. 

“Okay, cool.” He took his seat next to Shiho and glanced out the window in front of him. It was just a typical street view of the city, nothing remarkable at all. But it was one he hadn’t seen since maybe his first year of university and looking on it again made him feel warm inside for reasons he couldn’t exactly explain. “So, are we gonna be sitting here the whole time or we getting’ a table?”

“Well, Shiho and I were thinking you and Ren could chat in here while we go get crepes from the stand outside,” Ann said, eyes already wide and excited at the thought of her favorite dessert. “That way you can, like, really get to know each other without us girls holding you back. Right, Shiho?”

Ryuji rolled his eyes. _Crepes. So that’s why she insisted on meeting here of all places._

“Ain’t those really bad for ya? I thought you models had to watch your girlish figures,” he reached over and poked Ann’s (perfectly flat) stomach as he spoke. “Don’t want to lose out to your nemesis now that you’re workin’ in Tokyo again.”

“H-hey!” she shouted and slapped his hand away. 

“Hey, yourself,” came an unfamiliar voice behind Ryuji.

“Hmph. Shut up, Ren.”

_Ren? So this must be the guy._ Ryuji turned to finally get a look at the man himself. 

He hadn’t known what to expect really. Ren’s texts gave no indication of his physical appearance, and Ryuji hadn’t asked for a picture, thinking it unnecessary and maybe a tad creepy. Still, no amount of curious guessing could have thought up the man standing before him.

For starters, he was tall. Like, really tall, with impressive posture and confident shoulders that only served to add to the illusion of height. His clothes should have been un-noteworthy, a gray, short-sleeved button down left open over a tight, black undershirt and basic skinny jeans, but there was something about how the guy wore them that just demanded attention. And with his wavy mop top that seemed equal parts “woke up like this” and “spent hours perfectly tousling in the mirror” the dude definitely could have been a model. Hell, maybe he was one and that’s how he met Ann.

“You’re back!” Shiho stood and gently pulled Ryuji to his feet alongside her. “Ryuji Sakamoto, meet Ren Amamiya. Ren Amamiya, meet Ryuji Sakamoto.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Sakamoto-san,” Amamiya bowed.

“Y-yeah, you too, uh, Amamiya-san,” Ryuji returned the gesture and stumbled through his words. Ann and Shiho had been so casual about using only his first name that Ryuji hadn’t even questioned thinking of him as just ‘Ren.’ Best not to make that mistake out loud though. “It’s cool to finally put a face to the name.”

Amamiya chuckled at this, gray eyes twinkling behind black framed glasses. Man, this guy didn’t have an ounce of color anywhere on him, did he? Ryuji briefly wondered how he must look to Amamiya – blonde hair and loud, patterned shirt; maroon pants rolled up past his ankles; sneakers proudly kept blindingly white. It wasn’t a bad outfit – he was confident Ann would have told him if it was, but it was probably the exact opposite of Amamiya’s whole motif.

Caught up in his thoughts like this, he almost missed Shiho and Ann wishing them goodbye as they left.

* * *

Since neither man was particularly hungry, they chose to sit at a small table near the coffee bar, saving the larger booths for students who needed the space. Amamiya’s idea, of course, so far proving himself to be just as kind and considerate as their mutual friends claimed. 

“This is kinda weird, ain’t it?” Ryuji asked after the waitress left with their drink orders. “Almost like we’re on a first date or something.”

Amamiya blinked at him, and Ryuji made a mental note to punch himself in the face when he got home because _who says dumb shit like that_. Amamiya recovered his composure quickly, though, and actually laughed. A big, hearty one. “Do I lose points for not pulling out your chair for you?”

“Well, yeah, obviously,” now Ryuji was laughing too, grateful his brashness didn’t scare him off. “But you can make up for it by paying for my drink. Or carrying me over a puddle. Whatever chivalrous guys in movies do.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

And with that, all the awkward tension evaporated. Their drinks arrived a moment later, Ryuji having ordered his usual soda and Amamiya a simple, black coffee (of course). The diner had begun filling up during their short stay, and Amamiya offered to go ahead and settle the bill to ease the waitress’ duties. She accepted enthusiastically and let him know she would ensure they could get as many refills as they wanted from the barista for the rest of their stay. _Damn, this guy is good._

“Dude, I didn’t mean for you to actually pay for me.” Not that Ryuji was complaining.

“Eh, I don’t mind. Besides, you’re a cheap date.” Amamiya drank his coffee and hopefully didn’t notice the blush rising to Ryuji’s cheeks. _This guy is **too** good._ Any fears Ryuji had regarding his own brazen personality were out the window.

“R-right. So,” Ryuji struggled to regain his composure. “How do you know Ann and Shiho? They didn’t really tell me anything about you, ‘cept you met when we were all second years.”

Amamiya took another sip of coffee before answering. “I guess I met Ann my first day at Shujin, but we didn’t talk much until about a week in. I…sort of helped her work through a personal crisis, and that led to us becoming close friends fairly quickly. After Shiho’s, well uh – you know. After she woke up, Ann had trouble working up the nerve to visit, so I went with her. That led to me also becoming good friends with Shiho, and the three of us stayed in touch even after Shiho transferred and I moved back home the following year. What about you?”

“Me? Well, I’ve known Ann since middle school, but we never talked too much. We ended up in the same homeroom third year, and she looked, I dunno, really sad I guess. So I talked to her, asked if she needed a lunch buddy or somethin’, and man was she pissed.” Ryuji laughed, remembering Ann’s scandalized reaction to his invitation. 

“Guess she thought I was trying to pick her up – which, I hafta admit, may have been part of my motivation. But in the end, she agreed, told me how she’d been eating alone since all her friends were at different schools now, and I told her she could hang with me whenever she wanted. To be honest, I really didn’t think she’d take me up on it, but here we are.”

“That was a really nice gesture,” Amamiya said thoughtfully. “I’m glad you two found each other.”

“Ugh, don’t say it like that.” Ryuji scrubbed the back of his head. He was definitely blushing again. “It’s not a big deal. I just did what I would’ve wanted someone to do for me.”

“Still…” Amamiya trailed off. “Oh, but what about Shiho?”

“Oh yeah. Well, her I met for real after we graduated. Ann was making me get her into shape for modelling, and she asked if I could help come up with a routine that wouldn’t be too hard on Shiho. And then, kinda like you said, we just became friends real fast and have been ever since.”

“So, are you a personal trainer then?”

“Nah, that’s just something I did to help them out. I’m actually a PE teacher and track coach. At Shujin, if you can believe it.”

“Really? With hair like that?” Amamiya froze, and Ryuji tried in vain not to choke on his drink. “I’m sorry, that was so rude of me.”

“N-no, it’s okay,” Ryuji finally said after he recovered. “It’s a fair question, I guess. Honestly, I don’t really know how I’ve been gettin’ away with it. I like to think it’s because I’m such a killer coach that nobody cares. Or maybe it’s because most of the same teachers are there from when we went to school, and they got so used to me being blonde that they forgot what my real hair color is.”

“So, it’s been that way since high school? I’m surprised I didn’t notice you in the hallways.”

“Didn’t dye it until second year was almost over. I lost a bet with one of my teammates and had to let him bleach it. But when I saw it, I thought it suited me, so I’ve kept it ever since.”

“Hmm, it does suit you.” Amamiya stared at Ryuji for a beat before darting his eyes back down to his empty cup. “Ah – let me go refill our drinks.”

* * *

“So,” Amamiya gently set their cups back down. “What else do you want to know about me?”

“Mmm I dunno.” Ryuji thought for a moment. He really hadn’t prepared for their meeting, assuming Ann or Shiho would carry the conversation for them. “I guess, what do you normally do?”

“That’s hard to answer right now,” Amamiya scratched his head. “As you know, I just moved back to Tokyo. Before that I was working with a couple non-profits around the country, the main one being as an advisor for a child welfare group funded by my friend’s company. So that’s been the past couple years, and then next year I’ll hopefully be starting law school at Tokyo U. But right now, I’m taking a break and not doing much of anything, which is why we’re here today.”

“Dude,” Ryuji began, mouth agape. “That’s impressive as hell.”

“You think so?”

“Hell yeah, I do,” he affirmed. “But don’t you think you’re, uh, overqualified for a nannying gig? N-not that I don’t want you to do it or anything. Just I feel like you could be doing a lot more.”

Amamiya smiled. “To be honest, I’m a bit burnt out. It would be nice to do something different and actually stay put for a few months. Plus, my real passion is helping people, and it sounds like you need help.”

Ryuji realized then, a bit embarrassedly, that he hadn’t actually discussed his situation with Amamiya. And that he had no idea what Ann had told the guy. So, he asked, “Just so I know we’re on the same page, what all did they tell you?”

“Only that you need someone to watch your children when you’re at work but aren’t in the position to pay for daycare. And that you’d be willing to house me rent-free if I agreed to it.”

“Y-yeah that’s about it, I guess,” Ryuji nodded and twirled his straw. “It ain’t really a fair trade though, is it? All that work for a shitty guest room. You sure it’s okay?”

“I don’t mind.” Amamiya shrugged, and Ryuji felt he honestly meant it.

“Okay. Cool. Sweet. Well, uh.” Ryuji scratched his face. “You’re hired, I guess. Oh, but you’re gonna want to meet the twins first, right? And my mom wants to meet you, too. She’s watching them at my place right now, so that’ll be easy.”

“Perfect,” Amamiya grinned and offered his hand to Ryuji like some shrewd businessman. “It was a pleasure doing business with you, Sakamoto-san.” 

“Dude,” Ryuji shook his hand. “If we’re gonna be living together, ya gotta call me Ryuji.”

“Then I suppose you’ll have to call me Ren.”

Having reached an agreement and the natural end of their conversation, the two got up to leave. Ren texted Shiho and Ann to inform them they were done, and Ryuji gave his mom a heads up that they’d be headed her way soon. Ren paused at the door, fingers resting on the handle, and turned to Ryuji.

“You know, there is one other thing Ann said that you might want to give her shit about.”

“Oh, god, I can’t even imagine.” Ryuji rolled his eyes and waited for the other man to continue.

Ren looked into his eyes and smiled, softer than his previous grins yet almost devilish. “She called you a cute, pathetic puppy. In all honesty, it’s part of why I agreed to meet you. I wanted to see if she was right.”

“S-she called me what?” he guffawed. “That little shit! I’m gonna—”

“For what it’s worth,” Ren interrupted. “I disagree. I don’t think you’re pathetic at all.”

With that he disappeared through the door, leaving Ryuji standing alone and trying to figure out why he suddenly felt so dizzy. _Too much caffeine,_ he decided and followed Ren down.

* * *

They met up with Ann and Shiho outside the station and, aside from a few smug ‘told you so’s, began the journey back to his house in silence. The train was far too crowded to try and hold a conversation, so Ryuji settled on making sure Ren knew which stop to get off at before directing his attention to his phone, replying to work emails and idly playing some free mobile game.

The walk from the station to his house was similarly quiet, peppered occasionally with neighborhood facts that Ryuji found notable. Where to get the best ramen, where to go running if you don’t want to ride to the park, that kind of stuff. To his credit, Ren listened attentively, and if he was bored at all he didn’t show it. It seemed to Ryuji that he was less of a talker and more of an observer. Sure, the guy could hold a conversation – their time at the diner proved it. But he didn’t need to voice every thought that popped into his head and was perfectly content to instead listen and respond to Ryuji’s asinine ramblings. It was actually pretty nice.

They reached home soon enough, and Ann raced ahead to the door, visibly displeased it wouldn’t open. “Hurry up, Ryuji!”

“Dude, calm down. I gotta find my key.” 

The door swung open before he even reached into his pocket. “I thought I heard a familiar voice. Oh, it’s so good to see you, Ann-chan. And Shiho-chan, too. What a treat!”

“Hi, mama Sakamoto!” both women cooed before being ushered inside. 

Ryuji wormed his way past their group hug and ushered for Ren to follow suit, showing him where to kick off his shoes. “They’re probably gonna be a while. Come on in, and I’ll introduce you to the kids first.”

Finding no sign of his precious spawn in the living room or kitchen, he led Ren upstairs. He made his way to their open bedroom door and peaked inside. Sure enough, they were in there, hosting some weird Phoenix Ranger Featherman R fight-to-the-death and tea party mashup. Easier to just not ask. “Hey, you guys too cool to greet your old man all of a sudden?”

“Daddy!” they both shot up and ran into his outstretched arms. It was getting harder and harder to lift them both at the same time, but Ryuji persevered nonetheless. He didn’t have muscles for nothing.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” he smiled fondly and kissed both their cheeks before turning around. “Yuto, Himari, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

Taking this as his cue, Ren stepped through the door and waved. For the first time all day he seemed somewhat unsure of himself. “I’m Ren Amamiya. It’s nice to meet you both.”

Himari frowned and turned to address Ryuji. “Who is he?”

“Well he just told you his name, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, but…who is he?” she persisted.

Ryuji set his kids back on the ground and tried to decide the best way to answer. He didn’t want to outright say nanny, in case Ren changed his mind and left him to explain it was just daddy’s super funny joke. “He’s my new friend. And if you guys like him then he’s gonna stay with us for a while and keep you company while I’m at work. Does that sound fun?”

“Maybe.” Himari eyed Ren up and down. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Uh, red,” Ren answered, looking at Ryuji as if asking if that was the right choice. Ryuji shrugged. _Hell if I know._

“Red is like pink so that’s fine. What’s your favorite animal?”

“Cats?”

“Cats are best,” she nodded sagely. “Okay, you can stay and play with us.”

“Oh, it’s that easy?” Ren laughed and rubbed his head. He turned his attention to the other twin, who had so far been silent. “What about you, Yuto-kun? Do you have any questions for me?”

“Well,” Yuto hesitated and scooted back so he was halfway behind his father. Ryuji patted his head and encouraged him to continue. “Do you like to draw?”

“I love drawing. I’m not very good, but I think it’s lots of fun. Maybe you can help me get better.” Ren squatted so he was eye-level with the boy.

“Y-yeah, I can do that,” the boy smiled shyly. “And you can teach me to read. My mommy was teaching me to read, but…but she doesn’t live with us anymore.”

Ryuji’s stomach sank. It had been four days since he’d had ‘the talk’ with the kids, explained why mommy had moved out over a month ago, why she took away the last of her things the week prior. What he hadn’t explained – couldn’t explain – was why she hadn’t hugged them goodbye as she left, why she made no promises to visit as soon as she could, made no assurances that she still loved them despite it all.

_I’m sorry it ended this way, but this was never the life I wanted. You were never what I wanted._

“I can definitely teach you how to read,” Ren promised Yuto, but his eyes were firmly on Ryuji. “And we’ll go to the park and draw together and whatever else you guys want to do. We’ll have a lot of fun, I promise.”

Himari and Yuto both beamed, having apparently been swayed by his promise. _This is good. It’s all working out. He’s a natural. They’re gonna be fine._

“Say your name again?” Yuto asked.

“Ren Amamiya-san,” Ren sounded it out for them.

“Ami…Amama…. No, that’s too hard,” decided Himari. “We’re gonna call you RenRen.”

“RenRen!” Yuto repeated and laughed.

“No, you won’t!” Ryuji squawked, horrified. “You’re going to learn his name and address him respectfully like good kids!”

“Actually…” Ren interrupted quietly, a light blush tinting his face. “I don’t mind. I’ve never had a nickname like that before, and it’s kind of cute.” He stood up and wagged a finger at Ryuji. “You can’t use it though.”

Ryuji couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity. “No way, man, it’s a package deal. From here on out, you’re RenRen to the whole family.” 

Ren sputtered out some unintelligible response, but Ryuji paid him no mind. He swung his arm around the other man and began leading him out the room. “Come on, let me show you around the house before they start making new demands of ya.”

* * *

The tour was quick, as to be expected of a house this size. Ryuji pointed out the toilet, the bath, and the other two bedrooms upstairs, noting casually that he had moved the kids into the master bedroom not too long ago. He shrugged when Ren insisted how remarkable that was. “There’s two of them and only one of me, it just made sense. Besides, I’ll get it back when they decide they’re ready for separate rooms.” 

Downstairs was open concept, the only division between living room and kitchen being the different flooring and furniture arrangement. Additionally, there was another toilet room and a washing machine tucked neatly beneath the stairs. “The backyard’s tiny, but stuff dries out there decently fast. There’s a coin laundry nearby if you need it done quicker, though.” 

Once they were finished, Ryuji’s mom officially introduced herself and asked a few questions of her own. It was all pretty surface level stuff, and Ryuji supposed she had already received most of her answers from Shiho and Ann. Once she was satisfied, she asked to exchange contact information (in case any emergencies arose while Ren was watching the kids) and bid everyone farewell. The other three soon followed, with Ren agreeing he’d move in next Sunday so long as the kids didn’t change their minds before then.

With that, Ryuji was alone. Well, as alone as the father of twins could be. He made his way back upstairs to see if he could snag an invitation to the tea party/murder fest and continued to reassure himself it would all be fine.

“Where’s RenRen?” Yuto asked once Ryuji situated himself at the table.

“He’s got some other stuff he needs to do before he stays with us, but he’ll be back Sunday. Oh, thank you.” He delicately accepted his teacup and severed Phoenix Ranger head. “Yellow’s my favorite flavor.”

“He is coming back though, right?” Himari eyed her father, likely not conscious of the suspicion her face showed.

“Yup, he swore it. Said he can even come over this week if you guys have more questions for him.”

“Good,” Himari looked down at her own cup of arms. “We liked him.”

“Yeah,” Ryuji nodded. “I did too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr as [mlendera](https://mlendera.tumblr.com/) where I have no idea what I'm doing!


	4. Chapter 4

Ren rang the doorbell at 12 o’clock on the dot, exactly the time he said he’d be over. It shouldn’t have surprised Ryuji given everything he knew about the guy, but he still found himself caught off-guard, tumbling out of the kids’ room and down the stairs.

“Hey, man,” Ryuji greeted as he flung open the door. “Good to see you. Glad ya didn’t bail on me.”

“I thought about it,” Ren quipped easily and walked inside. He only had two bags with him, and neither seemed particularly full. Ryuji grabbed the one that looked heaviest and led the other man upstairs. “Some other single father I happen to know asked me to help him out. But he only has one kid, and I thought ‘Nah, where’s the challenge in that.’ So here I am.”

Ryuji laughed, then paused. “That…didn’t actually happen, did it?”

“No,” Ren snorted, placing his bag on the futon and gesturing for Ryuji to do the same. “No, that was definitely a joke.”

“Right, sorry,” Ryuji croaked and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Guess I’m kinda antsy. This is all still weird to me. Not that I think you’re weird. Just the situation. But not so weird that I don’t want you to stay. Ugh, I’m making this worse, aren’t I?”

Ren clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. “Relax, I’m not going to bail on you. I made you a promise, and I’ll stay here as long as you guys need me. And I’ll try to tone down the sarcasm until you’re less ‘antsy’, but I have to warn you it isn’t going to last long.”

“Cool. Cool cool cool.” Hearing Ren promise he was going to stick around did alleviate some of Ryuji’s worries, but it didn’t do much for the pit of general anxiety that had made itself a home in his stomach over the past weeks. Still, he couldn’t pretend the other man wasn’t already proving to be a calming presence – one which he was very grateful for. “Do you, uh, need help unpacking or anything?”

“Thank you, but I’m okay. I don’t own too much right now since I’ve been traveling, so it won’t take me very long. You get back to your tea party, and I’ll join in when I’m finished.”

“Sounds goo—Wait, how did you know about the tea party?”

“The frilly apron was a pretty big giveaway,” Ren hummed and gently pinched the tell-tale fabric hanging at Ryuji’s waist. It was a tiny, pink (and, yes, very frilly) thing that he only put on after Himari pleaded for five minutes straight. It wasn’t like he actually wanted to wear it, and he definitely hadn’t wanted anyone else to see him wear it. But when it’s your turn to pour at the ceremony you apparently have to wear the child-size apron or face the wrath of two stubborn 4-year-olds.

“Shit, man,” Ryuji stammered as he tried to untie the apron. The shoelace he had used to extend the belt wasn’t cooperating, and his face turned a shade redder with every slip of his fingers. “Couldn’t have told me about it earlier and saved me the embarrassment?”

“I thought it was a conscious fashion choice,” Ren winked before reaching behind Ryuji and freeing him from the apron with ease. He placed the offending scrap in Ryuji’s hands and shooed him out of the room. “Now go play. I’ll be out soon.”

Ryuji attempted to squawk out a response, any response, but couldn’t form any coherent thoughts. He stumbled back to the twins’ room on autopilot, face still red-hot, and prayed conversations with Ren wouldn’t always leave him so flustered.

_What did I get myself into?_

* * *

“Okay, so text me if anything happens while I’m at work.”

“I will.”

“But call if it’s an emergency.”

“I will.”

“And you have my mom’s number too, right? You can call her if I don’t pick up.”

“I will.”

“And don’t let Himari bully Yuto too much. He’s sensitive, and she doesn’t always know when to stop.”

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Oh, and also—"

“Ryuji.”

“Yeah?”

“Stop freaking out.” Ren grabbed Ryuji’s shoulders and shook gently. “The kids will be fine, I promise. You, on the other hand, are going to be late if you keep this up.”

Ryuji glanced at his watch, and saw that, of course, Ren was right. If he stood there any longer he’d have to run to the station, but even with that knowledge he still couldn’t will his legs to move. This was all too fast. Ren just moved in yesterday and was already about to take care of the kids all day. Was he familiar with the house? The neighborhood? The city? Okay well, yes, the city, but that was the easy one, so it didn’t really count…

“R-right. Guess I’m leaving then,” he gulped and headed out. Ren wished him farewell and watched him leave. Ryuji snuck a glance back before crossing the street. Ren was still there, leaning coolly against the doorframe, arms crossed and head tilted. His serene smile grew wide when he caught Ryuji’s eye, and he waved. Ryuji waved back and made his way toward the station, for real this time.

He felt good about this. Felt calm, confident. Everything really was going to be okay. He told himself he didn’t need to worry, and for the first time in forever he believed it.

* * *

The school day flew by quickly, which was a feeling Ryuji had begun to think he’d never get to experience again. He loved his job, loved coaching track, loved inspiring kids to push past their limits the same way he was inspired at their age. But all that exhilaration had been overshadowed by his issues at home for so long that he had forgotten what it was like to actually enjoy being a gym teacher. 

Today was different though. The sun, normally a beacon of exhaustion and impending heatstroke, felt warm and inviting. The wind, which had previously brought with it only allergies and weird smells from the cafeteria, cooled and refreshed him. Even the snarky comments from the less athletically-inclined students couldn’t bring him down. They were just challenges to find new activities that the whole class could enjoy.

It was pretty fucking sweet.

Ryuji’s newfound positivity carried him through his morning classes and on towards lunch period, where even eating alone in the PE faculty office didn’t bother him the way it normally did. Although, if his good mood kept up he might just work up the guts to invite himself to eat in the regular office with the other teachers. Not today though. Baby steps.

He dug into his meal and pulled out his phone, intending to waste time gaming, when he saw a recent alert for missed messages from Ren.

“Shit, what happened,” he muttered and opened his texts, expecting the worst.

**Ren:** Hope your day is going well. Himari and Yuto drew you a picture and couldn’t wait to share, so here it is.  
**Ren:** [img001.jpg]

The drawing showed a yellow-haired stick figure man pushing two child-sized figures on a swing set, while another man (presumably Ren) sat in a sandbox nearby. They were all smiling, as were the sun, clouds, and trees.

**Ryuji:** Dude, you just made my day, you don’t even know.  
**Ryuji:** But you don’t have to pretend my kids drew that, you can just tell me it was you.  
**Ryuji:** I won’t judge your lack of talent.

**Ren:** Hah. You got me.  
**Ren:** Now should I tell your kids you said they don’t have talent, or do you want to break the news yourself?

**Ryuji:** Wait please don’t

**Ren:** Kidding!  
**Ren:** Proof I didn’t leave them at the park to come color by myself at your house:  
**Ren:** [img002.jpg]

Himari and Yuto crowded the camera, each beaming and trying to be the center of the photo while also holding their drawing between them. Ren sat behind them, holding his phone at just the right angle to capture everyone’s faces and smirking. Ann had tried to describe ‘smizing’ to Ryuji once. He hadn’t understood what she meant then but, looking at Ren now, it suddenly made total sense. Dude was an expert smizer. 

**Ryuji:** Cute

**Ren:** Ryuji, I’m flattered

**Ryuji:** I mean the kids, not you, jackass 

**Ren:** And now I’m heartbroken

**Ryuji:** Sorry bout that. But I think you’ll live

**Ren:** I suppose I’ll have to  
**Ren:** dramaticsigh.gif  
**Ren:** We’re about to start lunch, so I’ll let you go. See you after track practice  
**Ren:** Himari and Yuto say they love you

**Ryuji:** I love you too!  
**Ryuji:** I mean the kids, not you  
**Ryuji:** You got that right?

_Course he got it_ , Ryuji reassured himself, idly swiping between the drawing and photo Ren had sent. He’d have to be an idiot to read it the wrong way, and Ren was no idiot. He was smart and dependable, kind and charismatic, responsible and fuckin’ hilarious. 

Ryuji was about 85% sure sending the drawing was Ren’s suggestion, not the kids’, and he was 100% sure the guy would never own up to it. He had been wound so tight when he left the house that morning he was practically begging for a mid-day text. Of course Ren caught on, and of course Ren acted. 

_Never got anything like that from her_ , Ryuji mused and found himself lost in a train of thought he had been avoiding so successfully earlier.

* * *

_“Are you fucking kidding me? You go and cheat on me, and now you’re the one asking for a divorce?”_

_“Please try not to yell,” she sighed from behind her exceptionally full wine glass. She refused to meet Ryuji’s eye, opting instead to take a long, slow drink before continuing. “You might wake the children.”_

_“I might wake the—What the hell?” Ryuji worked to calm the fury bubbling up within him. He hated to admit she was right, but he really couldn’t handle the kids walking downstairs right now._

_They sat in silence as Ryuji steadied himself._

_“I…I just don’t get it,” he finally continued, shoulders drooping and face so low it was almost touching the table. “I-I told you we can work through it. I can forgive you. I can move past it. And whatever you need me to do, I’ll fucking do it. I’ll work more. I’ll work less. I’ll quit, and you can go to work. Hell, we can move out to the country if that’s what you want. Ju-just fucking talk to me. Don’t throw it away without trying.”_

_“Don’t throw what away?” she scoffed and finally looked at him. “We’re not happy, Ryuji. We never were and we’re never going to be. I’m tired of faking it, and I think deep down you are too. Let’s just end it now, and maybe we can find happiness for real.”_

_Ryuji tried to respond, tried to tell her how wrong she was, but he couldn’t make any words come out. He just sat there, opening and closing his mouth like a goddamn fish trying to figure out where all its water went._

_“I’ve made my decision. It would be in both our best interest to file by agreement, but I’m not above fighting you.” She finished the last of her wine and rose from the table, dragging out from next to her a large suitcase. Ryuji wondered when she’d packed it. “Do it my way, and you can keep everything – the house, our savings, whatever, I don’t care, I’m done with it all. But if you make things difficult, I will drag your name so far through the mud you really will have to move out to the boonies just to escape it.”_

_Ryuji watched in stunned silence as she marched towards the door, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that this was all really happening. It wasn’t until she was almost gone that he managed to blurt out the single-most important question on his mind. “What about the kids?_

_“What about them?”_

_“Custody,” he swallowed. “I know it’s usually mom’s that get ‘em, but you’re the one leaving. And…and I’m the one with the job, so… I…”_

_“Ryuji,” she paused. “Perhaps I was unclear, but I won’t be arguing for custody. I don’t intend to keep any mementos from our time together. Including them.”_

_“Wait. Seriously?”_

_“Seriously,” she bit back and slammed the door behind her._

* * *

“You awake, Sakamoto?” a chipper voice and quick pat on the back broke Ryuji from his trance. “I swear I’ve been standing here five minutes, and you haven’t blinked once. I don’t think you’ve ever been this still in your entire life.”

“Ah, sorry, Kawakami,” he apologized to the senior teacher. “Just a lot on my mind right now, I guess.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” she asked carefully. Aside from the principal, Kawakami was the only coworker who knew the details of his pathetic soap opera of a life, albeit not by choice. But when the same woman walks in on you sobbing five times in as many days, you sort of have no choice but to lay it all out. “I meant to check in on you this morning, but you seemed to be in a good place and I didn’t want to jinx it.”

“I’m doing okay, yeah.” Ryuji scratched his face awkwardly, still not completely used to being treated as a respected peer and not, ya know, the braindead-goofball-loudmouth-jock who only managed to get anywhere in life ‘cause he knew how to run fast. “Just thinking about stuff. Nothing too bad though.”

“Tell me about it,” she plopped down in the chair next to him. “The student gossip mill is all dried up right now, and I’m bored stiff.”

“Uh, sure,” he had no idea where to begin. “Well, I guess to start, do you remember Ann Takamaki from when I was a student here?”

“Takamaki…hmm yeah, the blonde girl, I remember her. Why? Don’t tell me you’re dating her now that you’re a free man?” Kawakami asked as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Gross, no.” Ryuji stuck his tongue out in faux disgust. “She helped me find a nanny for Yuto and Himari though, and he moved in yesterday. Dude’s a good friend of hers, and I like him so far, but I’m still kind of nervous leaving him alone with the kids. That’s what I was thinking about when you came in. Actually, you might know him since you remembered Ann. Ren Amamiya ring any bells?”

“Amamiya-kun?” Kawakami perked up at the mention of his name. “Really?”

“So, you do remember him?”

“Oh, yes. I remember him very well,” she leaned back, eyes drifting to the ceiling, a strange look on her face. “Very well.”

“Uh,” Ryuji coughed, uncomfortable with and confused by the scene suddenly unfolding before him. “You all right? Lookin’ kinda pervy over there, teach.”

“I am not.” Kawakami shot back, but the blush creeping from her face to neck did nothing to counteract Ryuji’s statement. She straightened up in her chair and stared pointedly at the wall ahead, away from Ryuji’s face. “All teachers have students they’re especially proud of. It isn’t weird or pervy at all. You’ll understand when you’ve been teaching as long as I have.”

“Riiiiight,” Ryuji chose not to press that particular issue further, reasonably sure nothing good could come from it. “But I’m guessing you also think he’s a good guy?”

Kawakami nodded but was interrupted by the bell before she could give any additional details. “Man, lunch periods keep getting shorter and shorter, don’t they?” she sighed and walked out the door.

* * *

“I’m home!” Ryuji announced, leaving his shoes and bag by the door and making a beeline for the couch. Thoroughly enjoying his day didn’t make it any less exhausting, and he was desperate to be off of his feet.

“We missed you,” Himari chirped from her seat at the coffee table and moved to snuggle with her dad on the couch. Ryuji helped her up and placed her beside him, doing the same for Yuto before he had to chance to ask.

“Not as much as I missed you guys,” he ruffled their hair and sank down into the sofa cushion. “I feel like I’ve been gone a whole day!”

Yuto giggled, “That’s ‘cause you have.”

“Ah, then it all makes sense,” Ryuji smiled fondly at his son. “Where’s RenRen?”

“Right here,” Ren appeared, as if on cue, settling into the armchair next to the couch. “Sorry, I had to make a phone call and didn’t hear you come in.”

“No sweat, man. Just wanted to make sure these hooligans didn’t scare you off,” he smiled and pulled the kids closer. He was mostly joking. Like 95% joking. The majority of his statement was a joke. “Listen, I’m pretty beat today, but I’m not coaching after school tomorrow and was thinkin’ we could all go get dinner. Kinda like a thank you and welcome celebration or whatever. If that interests you.”

“That sounds great actually,” Ren sounded enthusiastic. “Did you have somewhere in mind?”

“Nah, figured I’d let you pick. Is there anywhere you’ve been dying to go now that you’re back in town?”

“Now that you mention it…” he hesitated, and Ryuji swore he could detect a slight blush beginning to form. “Don’t judge me, but I haven’t been to a Big Bang Burger in forever. And I have an awesome discount, so we can get anything we want.”

Ryuji couldn’t help but laugh. All the award-winning eateries in Tokyo to choose from, and he picked a fast food joint. Well, at least it was a good one.

“I told you not to judge me,” Ren pouted.

“Dude, I ain’t judgin’, I’m just surprised. But I love that place, so let’s do it.”

“Great!” Ren cheered and pumped his fist. Like it was some huge victory to get to eat at Big Bang Burger. “Now how about we get started on tonight’s dinner. I’ll show you how to make my world-famous curry.”

“Sounds good, man,” Ryuji hoisted himself out of his seat and stretched. “Just out of curiosity, how good is this discount we’re talking about? Maybe I’ll get a challenge burger or something.”

Ren flashed that devilish smile of his before answering. “Pretty good I’d say. The CEO of Okumura Foods is one of my closest friends, so my guests and I eat there for free any time I stop in.”

“Ah, cool.” Just casually best friends with the CEO of one of Japan’s biggest corporations. No big deal or anything. 

_Fucking of course._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren's smize is based on that blessed scene from the end of episode 20 of the P5 anime. You know the one.
> 
> ([tumblr](https://mlendera.tumblr.com/))


	5. Chapter 5

“You guys go ahead and grab a table, and I’ll put in our orders,” Ren said as he opened the door and ushered Ryuji and the kids into Big Bang Burger. The sudden rush of cool restaurant air tickled Ryuji’s skin, drawing his attention to every errant rain drop that had crossed his umbrella’s defenses.

“Are you sure, man?” he asked, grabbing an umbrella bag before helping Yuto and Himari pat themselves dry. “The line looks kinda long, and I’d hate for you to stand up there by yourself.”

“I’ll call if I get lonely,” Ren dismissed his concern with a wave. “Just let me know what you want to eat.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” he relented. Only two and a half days in, and he already knew better than to try and argue with the guy. “Just a number one for me and two Junior Space Explorer meals for these guys.”

“Coming right up.” Ren made his way to the counter, leaving Ryuji to find a place to sit. He chose a freshly-cleaned booth near the back of the restaurant and let the kids slide onto one cushion before seating himself on the other. 

This was the closest thing they’d had to a family outing in a very long time, Ryuji realized, and he was grateful for the opportunity – even if it was just a fast food dinner. He listened intently as the twins began detailing the events of their day, completely enraptured not just by their story but also their smiles and laughter. Their genuine enthusiasm for breakfast, for coloring, for napping, for the surprise rain shower that cut their park trip short.

_When was the last time they looked this happy?_

Ryuji lost track of time as they talked and only realized how long Ren had been gone when he felt him drop into the booth beside him. “Sorry that took so long. I got a little carried away with my order.”

“No sweat, man. The kids were just telling me about the big day you all had.”

“Oh fun. Well don’t let me interrupt.” He placed the order marker on the edge of the table and gestured for the children to continue their tale.

The food arrived not too long after. And holy shit was it a ton of food. Two Big Bang employees came bearing multiple trays overflowing with burgers, nuggets, sandwiches, fries –every item on the goddamn menu, Ryuji suspected. “Dude, what the hell?”

“What?” Ren feigned innocence and relieved the employees of their trays, deftly digging out and offering each Sakamoto their respective meal before beginning to arrange his own. “I told you I got carried away.”

* * *

To his credit, Ren did a damn good job of inhaling his monstrous dinner, somehow managing to do so speedily without sacrificing grace or dignity. It was impressive as hell. Less impressive, however, was the childish way he groaned and rubbed his stomach once he had enough.

“Ryuji, why did you let me order so much?” Ren whimpered softly and leaned onto Ryuji’s shoulder for support while he continued his theatrics.

“I didn’t let you order shit,” Ryuji scoffed and nudged the other man away. Ren pouted as he straightened in his seat, still clutching his gut overdramatically. Ryuji just barely resisted the urge to reach under his hands and poke him. “And I definitely didn’t make you finish it all.”

“Hmph. Yuto, Himari, tell your daddy to stop bulling me,” Ren turned his attention to the kids, naively believing he could garner their sympathy.

“No, we’re busy,” Himari responded coolly, her eyes glued to one of the half-solved space puzzles she and her brother received with their meals.

“Must be a family trait,” Ren mumbled good humoredly before addressing Ryuji again. “Seriously though, I feel about six months pregnant. Mind if we sit here for a bit?”

“Sounds good, man. We’ll see if we can wait out the rest of the rain.” Ryuji leaned back in his seat and stretched his limbs. Although he didn’t eat nearly as much as Ren, he was pretty stuffed and didn’t mind digesting a little before heading out. And besides, it was nice to spend time somewhere other than the house or Shujin for once. 

Ryuji watched as Ren reached into his windbreaker and retrieved a small notebook. He unclipped a pen from the cover and flipped through the pages. Most were filled with sloppy notes and doodles, but some seemed to contain more polished tables and calendars, the kinds of things professionals keep track of to prove how important and busy they are.

“It’s my journal,” Ren said as Ryuji leaned in for a closer look. He hadn’t realized he had been so obviously nosy and began to stammer out an apology. “No, it’s okay, I don’t mind. I actually wanted to show you something.”

Ren leafed through the filled pages faster until he found the one he was looking for. He stopped on what looked like a simple time table, starting at 6AM with ‘wakeup’ and ending at 8PM with ‘bedtime.’ In between were various other activities – ‘park visit,’ ‘reading lesson,’ ‘Phoenix Rangers,’ and more. “Himari, Yuto, and I are working out our daily schedule. Nothing’s set in stone, and I can’t seem to convince them that 10 hours at the park each morning is unfeasible, but I wanted to get your opinion on what we have so far.”

“Dude,” Ryuji began, awed. “This is freakin’ awesome.”

“It’s just a schedule.” Ren stared at him incredulously. 

“Nah, man, it’s way more than that. It’s…” he wasn’t entirely sure how to articulate his thoughts, but that had never stopped him before. “It’s you, like, making an effort. And showing you care and shit. I dunno, man.” 

He looked up at Ren before continuing. His face had softened while Ryuji spoke, the earlier skepticism replaced with…something he couldn’t quite describe. His eyes held Ryuji’s, quietly signaling for him to go on. “It just means a lot to me, I guess. How even though you just signed up for this for a free place to live you’re still gonna actually try with the kids. Not just sit them in front of the TV until I get home or whatever. Sounds pretty dumb when I say it out lout like that.”

“I don’t think it’s dumb at all,” Ren said, his voice barely more than a whisper, eyes still holding Ryuji’s. He reached over and squeezed one of Ryuji’s hands gently. He let it linger there for a few long seconds before returning it to his notebook. “And I’m happy you’re happy.”

“Uh, well. Thanks.” Ryuji tried to beat down the unexplainable warmth creeping up from his hand to his cheeks. He forced himself to break eye contact and turned towards the window instead. “Looks like it’s stopped raining for now. Let’s head back before it starts up again.”

* * *

It wasn’t long before Ryuji started to forget what life before Ren was like. He’d melded into their lives so seamlessly that if someone were to tell him that Ren had been his roommate for years and he’d somehow forgotten he’d just nod and say “Yeah, totally makes sense. Can’t believe I forgot; what a dick move.”

They worked together as a perfect team. In the morning, Ren made breakfast while Ryuji woke Yuto and Himari. They’d all eat together, and Ryuji would leave for work. Sometime around lunch, he’d get a picture update of their day, and when he got home he’d listen to the much more detailed verbal update. They switched off cooking dinner and cleaning, and when both men admitted they only knew about five recipes each (and three of Ren’s were just different styles of curry) they made a deal to learn more for the kids’ sake. It was domestic bliss. Well, as close to domestic bliss as a single dad and his live-in bro could get.

Still, after the two most agonizing months of Ryuji’s life, things seemed to be finally going well. He was fully back in his groove at work, the track team was kicking ass, he was schmoozing with other teachers at lunch. Himari and Yuto were all smiles, they loved the endless activities each day held, they even seemed to enjoy the lesson plans Ryuji found to get them ready for kindergarten. And Ren was…well, he was Ren. Everything was really looking up.

Which is why it came as no surprise when, one night, it all came crashing down.

* * *

Ryuji sat alone in the living room, completely dark save for the lone reading lamp lit by his head. With trembling hands, he read and re-read the letter he had received earlier that afternoon. That, when realizing who it was from, he had tucked away from the rest of the mail to be opened only after everyone else had gone to bed. That he now wished he had ‘accidentally’ thrown out with the junk.

_Ryuji,_

_I am writing you for two reasons:_

_One, I will be leaving Tokyo at the end of the month. I have found work in a new city and will be starting in June. I am not telling you this to upset you more than I already have; I simply think you deserve to know that I will no longer be staying in town. I won’t tell you where I’m going or what career I’ve chosen, I hope you can understand why._

_Two, and perhaps more pressing, I told my parents of our divorce. Naturally I left out the details regarding why, and they are less than thrilled. Father is talking with his lawyers about suing you to recoup the money they gave us when we married. I’ve asked him not to, but you know as well as I that my opinion doesn’t hold much weight with him._

_Please don’t think this letter is my attempt to beg for your forgiveness; I stand by my decision. I merely wish to warn you of what may come._

_There is no need for you to write back._

Ryuji tossed the letter onto the coffee table and choked back a sob, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears before they could force themselves out. _Of fucking course_ , he thought bitterly.

Of fucking course, she would break her silence right when he was starting to feel just a little bit okay again. Of fucking course, her money-grubbing parents would find some new way to torment him despite being stripped of their in-laws status. And of fucking course, he would find himself breaking down alone in the living room in the middle of the night over a stupid piece of paper. The only thing that could possibly have made the situation worse would be – 

“Ryuji?” Ren’s quiet voice pierced the night air like a dagger. Ryuji looked up to find him standing at the bottom of the stairs, hand gripping the railing tight and eyes brimming with concern.

_Of fucking course._

“Hey, man,” Ryuji forced out, wincing as his voice cracked between the words. He took a deep breath before trying to plaster a remotely believable grin on his face. “What’s up? Hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No, I was just…thirsty.” Ren hesitated at the stairs, like he was torn between braving the awkwardness downstairs in search of water or running back to his room and locking the door. Instead, he gently made his way towards the couch and sat next to Ryuji. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah, dude, nothin’ to talk about,” Ryuji sniffled. “Just a bad dream.” 

“You’re a terrible liar,” Ren replied but didn’t press the issue further. They sat together in uncomfortable silence, Ryuji refusing to look at Ren and Ren refusing to look away from Ryuji.

“Thought you were thirsty,” Ryuji finally said once he managed to steady his breathing and (mostly) stop the tears rolling down his face. Ren hummed in response and made his way into the kitchen, returning a moment later with two glasses of water. Ryuji mumbled a weak thanks as he passed him one. The cool glass felt nice against his skin, and he pressed it against his face before taking his first sip.

Ren had finally stopped staring at him, which was nice, but it also meant his eyes were free to roam the rest of the living room. It wasn’t long before they landed on the letter lying on the coffee table. “May I?” he asked, hand already reaching towards the piece of paper.

“Might as well,” Ryuji sighed. Ren would have eventually wormed the information out of him anyway, no point in delaying the inevitable. He felt the prickle of a fresh wave of tears forming behind his eyes as he braced himself for further humiliation.

Ren read the letter intently. Frowned. Turned it over. Read it again. Frowned deeper, and finally turned back to Ryuji. “Your ex-wife is a bitch.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Ryuji laughed bitterly as he sank backwards and squeezed his eyes shut. “What am I gonna do, man?”

“What, about the letter?”

“About everything,” he waved his arms around his head to dramatize the point before letting them flop back to his sides. 

“Might I reintroduce my original suggestion of talking about it?”

Ryuji snorted and lolled his head to the side to look at Ren, who was matching his posture and smiling just a bit smugly. He had never been the type of guy to put his issues on others, never the kind to beg for sympathy. Even during his worst moments, when he felt like he was suffocating under the weight of it all, he would only reveal the bare minimum asked of him and lock the rest of his feelings away to be dealt with later (re: never). His problems were his own, and if he couldn’t deal with him on his own then what good was he?

Of course, that was all before the divorce, before his friends began beating at his barriers and demanding he rely on their emotional support. He didn’t like to be a burden, but maybe right now, tonight, just this once, it wouldn’t be so bad. “What do you wanna know?”

Ren shrugged his shoulders lightly. “All of it.”

* * *

“We met in college, me and my ex. We were both fourth years, and some mutual friend introduced us at a party, and we hit it off pretty fast. She was the first girl I ever seriously dated, and, uh—well. We weren’t as smart as we shoulda been, I guess, and I ended up getting her pregnant pretty much right away.

“We found out about four months in, and we both freaked the fuck out. I proposed on the spot – ‘cause that’s what you do, right? – and she accepted. Her parents were pissed, which I get, and my mom was, I dunno, sad, I guess. Disappointed, maybe. But she supported us best she could, tried to prepare us for the reality of being young parents and whatever.

“Anyway, we got hitched as soon as we graduated. That’s when her parents gave us the money, and we used it to buy this house even though they really wanted us to put it towards a ‘respectable wedding.’ Thank god mom talked us out of that. I accepted a job at the first school that would have me, and we both busted our asses to get ourselves baby ready. And finally, on June 15th at 9:07 and 9:52 AM, I got to meet the loves of my life.

“Looking back at it, though, me and her, we were never in love. We never had the chance to try, really, and even now I don’t blame her for it. Guess she blamed me though. And maybe she’s right. If it weren’t for me she wouldn’t have been forced to give up on her dreams and become a stay-at-home mom at 22. Coulda made a name for herself, coulda taken the time to fall in love with a guy, coulda decided when and how to start a family.

“But I gave up shit too, ya know? All I ever wanted to do, for as long as I can remember, was run in the Olympics. And I fucking could have, man. I was good. I was real fucking good. But I stepped up. I put all that aside to be the best father I could. I gritted my teether and I bore it. I made it work. And even though we weren’t in love, I did love her in a way. And I love my kids, from the first sonogram I knew I loved them. I would have done anything to make it work, if only for their sake. But the whole time she just wanted out. And no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

“And now, with her parents and the money…” 

Ryuji tried to continue but was stopped by the uncontrollable sob ripping free from his chest. He had been doing so well, had finally found the courage to let out all the pent-up feelings he’d been keeping at bay for months, and here he was ruining it all by crying like a baby. 

Ren didn’t judge him though. He didn’t laugh at his weakness or dismiss his grief. He didn’t run out the door, announcing that Ryuji’s emotional baggage was more than he signed up for and that he was quitting. No, Ren stayed. He placed a comforting hand on Ryuji’s shoulder, then turned him slightly to repeat the action on his other side. And when Ryuji finally forced himself to meet his gaze, he smiled softly and uttered the words Ryuji didn’t even know he needed to hear. “I’m going to hug you now, okay?”

Ren wrapped Ryuji in a tight embrace, and the other man’s arms reached instinctively around his ribs to return it. It was a little awkward; they weren’t sitting in the most ideal hugging positions, and Ryuji wasn’t sure what the proper protocol was for sobbing into another guy’s shirt. But it was nice. It was really, really nice. Ren rubbed soothing circles around his back and let him cry freely. Ryuji decided resting his forehead on Ren’s shoulder blade was the most appropriate move given the situation, and if Ren disagreed he didn’t say anything.

They stayed that way for a long time, until Ryuji’s tears ran dry and the crick in his neck promised to turn into a full-on sprain. He dropped his arms and lifted his head slowly, surveying the damage to Ren’s shirt. It wasn’t pretty. “Sorry,” he mumbled while scooting back.

“Don’t worry about it. Tomorrow’s laundry day anyway.”

Ryuji smiled weakly. “Not just for the shirt, man.”

“Ryuji,” Ren whispered, brushing the rest of the tears from Ryuji’s face. He wondered dimly if it should be weird, a guy comforting another guy like this, wiping his face, whispering his name. “You don’t ever need to apologize for talking about your feelings, especially not when I ask you to. We haven’t known each other very long, but I already consider you one of the best friends I’ve made in a long time. I want to know how you’re doing.”

“Thanks, Ren. You’re one of my best friends too.”

“Then as your friend, I want you to know that you are enough. You’re more than enough. You’re an amazing, caring father who makes sure his kids know every day that they’re the most special people in the world. You’re one of the kindest men I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet, and I will personally fight anyone who tries to claim you aren’t the most dedicated track coach in all of Tokyo.” Ryuji chuckled at that last statement, and Ren did as well before continuing.

“Agreeing to nanny for a family I barely knew is by far the weirdest, and maybe the dumbest, decision I’ve ever made. But I’m so glad I did, because I got to meet you and become your friend.”

“Keep talking like that and you’re gonna make me blush,” Ryuji said, a flush already working its way up his face.

“I’ll take a blushing Ryuji over a crying one any day,” Ren replied with a smirk.

“I…don’t really know what to say to that.”

Ren laughed again, standing up and offering his hand out for Ryuji to follow. “How about we just say goodnight? It’s late, and I need my beauty sleep.”

“Sounds good, man.” Ryuji accepted the outstretched hand and let Ren lead him slowly upstairs. It was only when they reached his bedroom door that he realized he was still holding on. Ren noticed too and gave a gentle squeeze before letting go.

“Well, goodnight.” Ryuji fumbled his door open and stepped inside. “And, uh, thanks again. For everything.”

“Sweet dreams, Ryuji,” Ren purred before heading to his own room.


	6. Chapter 6

_Ryuji was drowning. Dark waters flooded his vision, choked the air from his lungs. He thrashed his arms, using all his strength to tread the choppy waves that continued to crash onto his head. He tumbled deeper into the abyss, pulled in all directions by invisible currents. He was out of breath. He was going to die. Oh god, he was going to die._

_He summoned what little courage he had left to kick towards what he hoped was the surface. He brain was hazy; his eyes saw only black dots on a backdrop of deep blue ocean. He kicked once more. Twice. A third time. Until he couldn’t will his legs to move anymore. This was it. The end._

__It was nice being alive while it lasted_ , he thought bitterly, letting his heavy lids drift closed. His limbs drifted out of their own accord, useless against the violent tide. He was sinking, sinking…_

* * *

_Well that was ominous._

Getting out of bed the next morning was difficult for Ryuji. His head ached, his eyes were red and bleary, he couldn’t go more than a few minutes without sniffling, and what the hell was up with that nightmare. He turned off his alarm and contemplated asking his mom to call out of school on his behalf. But unfortunately, that doesn’t really work when you’re a teacher, so he willed himself up and started to get ready for the day.

He changed out of his pajamas and into the cleanest smelling tracksuit he could find in the crumpled laundry pile that was the corner of his bedroom. Getting to wear gym sweats 6 days a week was definitely a huge job perk but having to actually keep up with laundry due to the physical nature of being, ya know, a physical education teacher was far less exciting, so it often fell by the wayside. After only a slightly shameful amount of digging and sniff-checking, he was able to put together a respectable outfit and get on with the rest of his morning. 

Ryuji scrubbed his face with the coldest water he could stand, willing the puffy skin around his eyes to recede even a little. The last thing he needed was for his students to find out he had spent half the night crying over some shitty letter and spend the rest of the week teasing him. Or worse, pitying him. It was bad enough Ren had caught him in that state, and even though he was nice about the whole thing (like really, REALLY nice), it was hard not to feel a blow to his ego. And it was going to be even harder looking Ren in the eye at breakfast and not feeling the shame all over again. Ugh. Fuck. Maybe playing hooky wasn’t such a bad idea after all…

“Snap out of it,” he scolded his reflection, noting that he did look marginally better than he had when he woke up, face now normal enough that he could pass off any remaining evidence of last night’s breakdown as just bad allergies. “Get your shit together and get out there,” he told himself, before finally getting his shit together and getting out there.

Waking the kids was, thankfully, far easier than waking himself. As it turned out, actually keeping children to a strict sleep schedule was beneficial to everyone involved. Who knew? Ryuji was able to get them both dressed and downstairs with only minimal grumbling from Himari and whining from Yuto. And, more importantly, with no questions about why daddy was crying last night or talking to Ren about their mom, relieving the lingering concern that they had somehow overheard the two men.

“Morning, everyone,” Ren called when he heard the family tumbling down the stairs. 

“Good morning, RenRen,” the twins said in unison while Ryuji yawned his way through a similar greeting. 

“You all have perfect timing,” Ren continued as he set the table for breakfast. “The rice just finished cooking. Sit down, and I’ll have it out in just a minute.”

Ryuji did as instructed, suddenly ravenous as he took in the culinary display before him. Ren had gone all out this morning – omelets, fish, miso, natto, and rice on the way. Holy shit, it looked amazing. Not that Ren’s cooking was ever not fantastic (especially now that the whole ‘only knowing 5 recipes’ thing was mostly resolved); he was just used to getting maybe half the offerings laid out today. This was a goddam, bonafide feast.

“What’s the special occasion?” he asked once Ren returned from the kitchen with a pot of rice. “Not that I’m complainin’ or nothin’.”

Ren chuckled. “I woke up a little early today and figured I’d put the extra time to good used. I can stick to toast in the future if you’d prefer.”

“Dude, I just said I wasn’t complaining,” Ryuji snuck a slice of omelet before dutifully helping Yuto and Himari fill their bowls. It tasted like heaven, and he said as much.

“In that case, maybe I’ll make it a habit,” Ren hummed, biting into his food only after everyone else started digging in to theirs.

“Nah, dude, don’t put yourself out. You’ve already done so much for m—for us. Don’t want you to think we’re takin’ advantage.” _For me_ , he had almost said. And it wasn’t like it the statement was untrue or anything, so why did the almost slip-up make him blush?

“I wouldn’t mind, really,” Ren replied softly. Warmly. Smiling. “I like helping you.”

“Well hey, if that’s what you want I ain’t gonna stop you,” Ryuji said, refocusing his gaze onto the food in front of him and not Ren’s soft and warm smile. The same one he wore last night as Ryuji laid his soul bare, as Ren cradled him in his arms, made him feel worthwhile for once. Made him feel like he was good enough, like he was _wanted_ and – okay enough of that. He seriously needed to stop hanging onto every kind word Ren said. He was acting like a lovesick school girl, and it was getting pathetic, even by his standards. Guess that’s what happens when you make you first new friend after spending years just hanging out with your wife’s. Ya get a little clingy.

“Speaking of special occasions, though,” Ren started speaking again, and Ryuji couldn’t help but glance up despite firmly telling himself not to. “A little birdy told me we have two very special birthdays coming up soon.”

“Yeah!” Himari beamed. “I’m gonna be five!”

“I’m gonna be five, too!”

“But I’m gonna be five first.”

The adults laughed and exchanged smiles. _Dammit, stop looking at his smile._

“On the 15th, right?” Ren asked while pulling out his phone. “Looks like that’s on…a Tuesday. Lame. How about we all celebrate the Sunday before instead, so we can spend the whole day together? Ah, unless you’ve already made other plans.”

“Nah, man, that sounds good. Mom’s planning on having dinner with us day-of, but that’s all so far. Going out on Sunday too should be fun.”

“Great!” Ren typed something into his phone, likely saving the date, before turning back towards the twins. “What do you guys want to do for your birthday? We’ll go wherever you want.”

“Destinyland!” they wasted no time answering, and Ryuji winced. As much as he’d love to take them there, there was no way in hell he could afford it.

“Ah, about that…”

“Actually, I don’t think Destinyland is open on Sundays,” Ren cut in, as if sensing his trepidation. “I’ll look into it, but why don’t we come up with a backup plan just in case?”

Himari pouted for a moment but didn’t question the obvious lie. “I guess…Junes would be fun.”

“Junes?” Ryuji questioned. How do you go from major theme park to department store? And for a birthday?

“Yeah, we like Junes,” Yuto said. “And Big Bang Burger!”

“Yeah, and the park! The big one with the boats!”

“Yeah, and a breakfast just like this!”

“Yeah, and a movie!”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, okay,” Ren nodded as their list grew. “We should definitely be able to do all those things. Right, Ryuji?”

“Huh? Uh, yeah, right,” he stumbled over his words, still amazed by how quickly their plans changed (and seriously thankful for the extreme price drop). “We’ll hit everything on the list, no sweat.”

The kids cheered.

Ryuji excused himself to the kitchen soon after to prepare his lunch, only to find it already waiting for him in the fridge.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for making anything after last night, so I went ahead and did it for you.” Ren had followed him into the kitchen with a collection of empty dishes. “It’s just leftover curry, though, so I won’t be offended if you do decide to make something else.”

“No, dude, this is great. I really appreciate it,” Ryuji said as he pulled out the bag. “Thank you. Seriously.”

“Anytime.” Ren’s voice dropped to a whisper. “And I’m sorry about the Destinyland thing. I should have been more careful with my choice of words. I didn’t mean to stress you out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ryuji replied with a wave. “Shit happens, and you saved it with that whole ‘closed on Sundays’ line. Almost had me fooled even.”

“Still…” Ren bit his lip.

“Seriously, man, it’s fine. No harm, no foul, right?” Ryuji patted his shoulder before heading towards the door. He kissed the twins’ foreheads and waved Ren goodbye, his heart ten times lighter than it had been when he woke up. “I’m headed out.”

* * *

_“Every day is great at your Junes~”_

“Every day is great at your Junes~” Himari and Yuto repeated the jingle each time it played overhead, which was at least once every five minutes, and as much as Ryuji loved both his children (dearly, completely, wholeheartedly) he really needed them to fucking stop. 

“At your Junes~” Ren had started singing along as well about 7 repetitions ago, which was not helping the situation at all.

Breakfast had been great. The park too, and lunch at Big Bang. The weather couldn’t have been nicer for a family boat ride, and the waiters had sung the kids ‘Happy Birthday,’ much to their delight. Ryuji was even looking forward to the Phoenix Ranger marathon later that night. But Junes. Junes was a nightmare.

_I love my children; they are my world. I love my children; they are my world. I love…_

“I wanna look at the stuffed animals next,” Himari said, tugging his hand and simultaneously his heartstrings.

“Sure thing, squirt,” Ryuji replied and swung her on top of his shoulders. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his forehead to stay balanced. Yuto gestured for Ren to do the same, and he obliged, albeit with much more difficulty. They continued their journey to the stuffed animal aisle once Ryuji was mostly confident Ren wouldn’t drop his son on his head.

“Okay, I’m pretty sure they’re over by the—”

“Ren Amamiya?” an unfamiliar voice called out. Ryuji turned to face him, a man who looked to be about their age. Blue-black hair and dark eyes wide with surprise. He was holding a basket of groceries, which he swung behind him as he stepped closer to Ren.

“Yuuki?” Ren asked with an equal amount of disbelief. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” the other man—Yuuki, apparently—replied. “Wow, it’s been so long. I almost didn’t believe it was you. But, uh, yeah it’s me.”

“It’s good to see you, Yuuki.” Ren smiled gently. “How have you been?”

“Me? Uh, I’m good. I’m still in IT, but I’ve been making websites on the side, and that’s been doing pretty well.” He rubbed the back of his head nervously as he spoke and managed to trip over his words more than Ryuji normally did. Impressive. “How about you? Well, I guess I don’t really have to ask, do I? Man, I can’t believe you have kids already. Time really does fly! Normally I’d be a little upset you didn’t invite me to the wedding but, knowing you, it was probably some insane destination trip that I couldn’t afford anyway. Oh! Where are my manners?” He finally stopped rambling long enough to acknowledge Ryuji. “My name is Yuuki Mishima, and you must be Ren’s husband.”

“Hus—” Ryuji’s brain stopped functioning. His heart stopped beating. Every ounce of blood in his body rushed to his face as he tried to process what the hell this guy just said.

“—band?” Ren finished the thought. Ryuji turned towards him and saw his face was as red as his felt.

_Husband. Husband. HUSBAND? What the hell?_

“Did I…say something wrong?”

Ryuji tried to respond but could only manage an undignified squawk. Thankfully, Ren recovered his wits much more quickly.

“These aren’t my children, and Ryuji isn’t my husband. He’s a good friend, and I’m helping out as a nanny until the kids start going to school. That’s all.”

“…Oh…”

“…Yeah…” 

“Well, guess it’s true what they say about assuming.” Yuuki coughed. “I’m…I’m gonna go now. Still have tons of shopping to do. It was, uh, nice seeing you again, Ren. And it was nice meeting you. Sorry for the confusion.” He bolted, and Ryuji still hadn’t regained the ability to speak. _Husband?_

“So…” Ren began after a long, awkward beat. “How about those stuffed animals?”

Ryuji only nodded in response and walked towards what he hoped was the right direction. _Husband?_

“Found them!” Ren announced and set Yuto down so that he could browse. When Ryuji made no move to let Himari down, he lifted her off his shoulders to join her brother. _Husband?_

_Husband?_

“Husband?” Ryuji finally managed to choke out. “He thought I was your husband?”

“Ah,” Ren’s face began to flush once more as he perused the closest plushies. “Looks like it.”

“But why?” he pressed. “I mean, people go shopping together all the time. It doesn’t mean they’re married. And the guy obviously knew you, so wouldn’t he know if you were with some dude or not?”

Ren shrugged, still looking only at the wall of stuffed toys. “Yuuki and I lost touch a few years back, so it’s understandable that he wouldn’t be up-to-date on my marital status.”

“Married to me, though? When we’re both…”

“About that,” Ren turned around slowly. His face, no longer red, was downcast in a way Ryuji hadn’t thought possible. He worried at his bottom lip and clutched a little stuffed cat with both hands. Somewhere, in the deepest recesses of his mind, Ryuji knew what was coming. _Oh._

“I should have told you when we met. I—I meant to, really, but it didn’t come up.” 

_“You’re a cheap date.”_

“And then it never felt like the right time, and it got to the point that it had been so long that it really would never be the right time. And I just. I don’t know.”

_“I don’t think you’re pathetic at all.”_

“It’s just never been a big deal before. I’ve never had to tell people; it always either just came up or it didn’t. But with us living together I figured I should. And then I didn’t.”

_“I’m happy you’re happy.”_

“I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

_“I’ll take a blushing Ryuji over a crying one any day.”_

“Dude,” Ryuji stopped him. He took a hesitant step closer, trying to portray the same comforting presence Ren had for him not so long ago. He placed a hand on Ren’s shoulder and coaxed the stuffed cat free from his death-grip with the other. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”

“I’m gay.” Ren’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but the fear it held rang loud and clear. Fear of being judged, of being ridiculed, of being hated. Fears that nobody should ever have to face, but especially not Ren. And especially not with Ryuji.

So Ren was gay. Big deal; it didn’t change who he was. And, yes, maybe Ryuji had gone through that horrible, slightly homophobic phase a lot of boys did as teenagers, but he was an adult now and he knew better. He just had to make Ren understand that somehow.

“I’m going to hug you now, okay?” Ryuji pulled him in without waiting for a response. He wrapped his arms tight around Ren’s shoulders, determined to squeeze out any anxiety and doubt.

Ren stiffened under his grip at first but slowly began to melt into the hug once it became clear that Ryuji wasn’t pulling away. “Thank you.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”

“I’m sorry for assuming you were straight. And I told you it’s okay; I know it’s hard. Japan ain’t exactly…friendly. So I get it.”

“You’re…seriously okay with it?” Ren released himself from Ryuji’s grasp to wipe at his face. God, he would give anything to make him stop crying, to make him never cry again. He didn’t deserve to feel this way.

“Dude, I’m a bonehead not a bigot,” Ryuji snorted, prompting a small laugh from Ren. Good. It was a start. “And it’s not like you lied to me about having some long-distance girlfriend or something. Although now I kinda wish you had so I could make fun of you about it for the rest of your life.”

Ren laughed again, for real this time. “You mean I didn’t tell you about Chie? She goes to a different school, so you don’t know her.”

Ryuji punched his arm, waited for the chuckling to die down. “So, that Yuuki guy, was he…?”

“Yeah,” Ren nodded. “We dated while I was at Shujin. He didn’t socialize much, so I’m not surprised you two didn’t know each other. And before you ask, yes, he is always that awkward. But he’s sweet; he has a good heart.”

“Cool. Maybe we can all hang out one day. Make up for this shit-show of a first meeting.”

“Yeah, maybe.” That warm smile was finally back. Good. Ryuji hoped it stayed there forever.

“But first, I think we have a birthday shopping trip to get back to.”

* * *

_…A strong hand found his in the water, gripped him tight and pulled him up. Together they broke through the water, and as they did the raging storm around them calmed. Ryuji still couldn’t see quite yet, eyes cloudy from both lack of oxygen and an abundance of saltwater. But even without sight he knew exactly who saved him. Knew exactly who would always be there to save him._

_“Ren,” he choked out and reached towards the other man. He circled his arms around Ren’s waist and let his head fall onto his shoulder, confident he could support them both while Ryuji recovered. “I’m so happy you found me…”  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://mlendera.tumblr.com/) and yell at me for taking too long to write! :D


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